There’s a blessing in waking up to the perception, that for the most part, people are neither listening to what you are saying nor paying much attention to what you are doing.
I repeatedly catch myself writing variations of this sentiment, and quite frankly, it’s gotten to the point that I’m beginning to wonder if it’s just a mask of false humility worn to persuade myself that it’s better to study and work freely in relative obscurity rather than opening myself up to expectation and being disappointed and/or simply feeling judged a baffoon.
I believe that in obscurity, it’s easier to explore in a manner that allows me to be honest with myself, and that by doing the work that I enjoy. I am free to be flexible in my approach to my work and am able to develop authentically, being pushed and rewarded by my own expectations rather than those of others.
….but still, I suspect it’s bullshit…
I don’t think I really prefer working in obscurity. If given the option, I most definitely prefer the charms of good company, pleasant tempered people that have made a habit of seeking out and exploring unfamiliar ideas. I enjoy games of show and tell and happily stand up to participate. This is exactly why I’m attracted to life drawing sessions, it mixes a social event with the shared experience of making art.
So far, none of us are so serious as to do anything other than noncommittally point out what’s working in each other’s drawings. So there’s that… Even in a group setting, I’m still safely tucked away in obscurity.