Jealousy

My jealousy is easily one of the most specific and most distinctive of my felt emotions.

It’s a deep body feeling, a somatic state that creates a emotion that’s been attached to sadness, loneliness, petty anger, resentment, and shame.

It’s a feeling that vividly highlights my vulnerability to being emotionally hurt by another person, most often triggered by other’s inadvertent acts of innocent omission, occasionally declarations of denial.

Somehow it’s that aspect, that it’s an inadvertent act, that makes it hurt much more than if it was intentional. It’s the feeling of being so easily forgotten or overlooked that wounds so deeply.

I’m triggered by seeing others appear to receive the attention, acceptance, and sincere connection that I wanted and needed, but continually felt excluded from.

Saying these things out loud helps me recognize a notable aspect of myself that I’m not comfortable with, still, I know fully well that this is an experience that I’m not alone in.